


In the Name of Love

by ltcommkat



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7836040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ltcommkat/pseuds/ltcommkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When someone tells Leo she loves him, he doesn't exactly handle it well...</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Name of Love

He thought that she'd been asleep at the time. He almost thought he had dreamed it. He was in the clutches of exhaustion from the night they'd had, staying up into the wee hours of the morning talking about anything and everything, telling stories from their pasts, and making love more than once. As cheesy as he found that verbage, it seemed the most fitting description for the passion they'd shared, slow and intimate, filled with emotion more than anything else. As the sun was coming up, the conversation finally tapered off, and they held each other as they drifted to sleep.

Then, she'd said it.

"I love you, Leo," she'd whispered against his neck, where she'd nestled her face. It took a moment for the words to sink in, for him to realize it wasn't a dream. He tensed, eyes snapping open, no longer tired. It was a reflex, and as she pulled away to search his face, he realized it was the wrong one.

He waited for her to say something else, willed her to take it back. But she didn't. She saw it in his eyes that she'd jumped the gun, that she'd made a mistake, so instead of embarrassing herself further she just rolled over so her back was to him and put the slightest bit of distance between them. Leo let out the breath he'd been holding in a low sigh. He turned toward her and tried to wrap his arms around her, but stopped as he felt her flinch away. She tried to control her reaction, but it was too late. He knew he'd hurt her. He watched her for a few moments, scrambling to find the right words to fix what he'd just done. Eventually, when he came up blank, he lifted himself off the bed silently and slipped out of her apartment. She didn't stop him.

If I told you it was only gonna hurt

If I warned you that the fire's gonna burn

Would you walk in?

Would you let me do it first?

Do it all in the name of love…

He'd passes out as soon as he'd made it home. He'd ghosted past his brothers, who were just getting up for training. He didn't have the energy for their questions. Hell, he didn't even have the energy for his own questions. If they'd come looking for him, he didn't know, having slept well into the afternoon.

She was the first thing on his mind when he woke up. She usually was, but this was different. He felt sick this time as her words played on a loop. He didn't have the stomach for food, or the company of his family, so he stayed in his room for the rest of the day and meditated.

Why had she said that? Did she have any idea the weight those three, infinitely significant words put on him? Leo tried to focus on anything else as he sat there, but the more he tried to distract himself the faster the loop played in his head, and the more he felt like he was suffocating. Eventually he took to pacing.

Did she even know what she was saying? I love you, Leo. How could she? How could any of the last few weeks even be real? The flirting, the silent ques, the midnight trysts. Their relationship had been all subtlety and secrecy, which, having lived the life of a ninja, Leonardo was quite comfortable with. In the daylight when he was training with his brothers and she wasn't there, he could almost pretend it was a sweet dream. But this… Those words were concrete. They were real, and tangible, and they terrified him.

Would you let me lead you even when you're blind?

In the darkness

In the middle of the night

In the silence

When there's no one by your side

Would you call in the name of love?

She didn't try to contact him that day. He checked his cell countless times, but the notification he was both desperate for and dreading never came. He hated this suspense, the not knowing where they stood anymore. He knew he was going to have to be the one to reach out, but he would wait until he had figured out what he was going to say.

When it came down to it, the question was, did he love her back?

The only feelings of love he had to compare to were the ones he carried for his brothers. They bothered him, they never listened to his orders, they could be disrespectful and obnoxious and childish, but at the end of the day he did love them. He would die for them without thinking twice and would never regret it. He would never say this to them-especially Raphael- but they each had qualities that Leo deeply admired, and part of his training to become a better leader had been to learn from his brothers as well as to teach them. They filled him with pride and joy, each in their own way, and it was difficult for him to imagine a life away from them.

A life without Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael would not be a life worth living.

In all the same respects, did Leonardo feel the same for her?

If I told you we could bathe in all the lights

Would you rise up?

Come and meet me in the sky

Would you trust me when you're jumping from the heights?

Would you fall in the name of love?

It was one thing to share himself with his brothers, who he'd grown up with, who he had never been without and knew he would never need to be without. It was a given that they were always going to have each other, that they would never give up on each other. But loving her was something different. She didn't have to love him, there was no unbreakable bond to keep her with him. This kind of love came with pain, and risk. It might not last forever, as this kind of love hardly ever did, and thinking about the end filled him with a hollowness he didn't know could exist.

Then again, it could all be worth the risk. They could live happily together for the rest of their lives. And even if it didn't last forever, what if it what they could share in a shorter time was still worth it? At the end of all the good, would he really be able to look back on it with regret? Would he rob himself the kind of joy that came with the love she offered, just for some security? Really, how many opportunities like this was he going to stumble across as a mutant, humanoid turtle?

When there's madness

When there's poison in your head

When the sadness leaves you broken in your bed

I will hold you in the depths of your despair

Let it fall in the name of love

Leo finally left his room late that night. The lair was silent, and he assumed the others had gone to bed, save for Donnie who would undoubtedly be holed up in his lab. He moved silently on his way to the kitchen, thinking perhaps some tea would calm his churning thoughts.

He was startled when Mikey cleared his throat, announcing his presence. Leo shook his head at himself, thinking how he really needed to snap out of this if even Mikey could sneak up on him.

"Woaahh, man. Something must really be buggin' you. I've never seen you jump like that!" Mikey chuckled, but he couldn't keep the concern out of his eyes as he watched Leo stir his tea. It wasn't like Leo to shut himself off like that. Raph and Donnie had shrugged it off, chalking it up to exhaustion from all his late nights with his new girlfriend. Leo thought they didn't know, thought he was hiding the looks they gave each other when around his family well enough, but they all saw it. But this was different. Mikey knew that something had happened, could feel it in his gut.

"Just tired," Leo shrugged, keeping his expression guarded. Damn Mikey for being so perceptive.

He wasn't fooled. "Might it have to do with a certain pretty girl, whom you have been spending most of your nights with?" Mikey asked with a small smirk, knowing there was no way his older brother could shrug this away now.

Leo stared wide-eyed at his brother, letting this sink in. They knew, and hadn't said anything yet? That didn't seem like them. Then again, it wasn't like their leader to be shirking his responsibilities to spend time with girls.

"Yeah," Leo said finally, "it involves her." Mikey nodded sagely, mimicking Master Splinter as he rubbed his chin.

"You did something stupid, didn't you?" Leo scoffed, not answering. Michelangelo took this as the affirmative. "Well then all you gotta do is say you're sorry. Who could stay mad at a face like this?" He grabbed Leo's chin and shook gently. Leo swatted his hands away, groaning.

"It isn't that simple. She…" He paused, taking a deep breath. "She told me she loves me." He looked away, continuing before his brother had a chance to reply. "And I just… left." Saying this out loud for the first time brought a wave of shame down on him, and he put his tea cup on the counter before his tightening grip broke it.

"You left?" Mikey said shrilly, mouth hanging open. "You LEFT?"

"I panicked!" Leo said, hating himself more each time it was said. Mikey just shook his head, clearly disappointed in his older brother. Though, if he were being honest, it wasn't all that farfetched. If there was one thing that freaked Leo out, it was feelings. Well lucky for him, Michelangelo specialized in feelings.

"Do you love her?" Mikey asked, suddenly serious. Leo pursed his lips, trying to answer, which prompted the orange clad turtle to rephrase the question to one his older brother would understand better. "Does she make you happy? Like, really happy, like you're falling off a building but safe at the same time?"

Leo thought back to just the night before, all the things he'd shared with her, the smiles he didn't bother hiding, the way his heart beat when she touched him…

"Yeah," he said. "Kinda exactly like that." A slow grin spread across his face. "When did you get so smart, eh Mikey?" Leo clapped his brother on the back as he left the kitchen.

"Wait! What are you gonna do?" Mikey called after him. Leo didn't stop walking on his way for the closest manhole cover.

"I'm going to tell her!" he called over his shoulder. Michelangelo beamed, then grabbed the cold pizza from the fridge he'd originally come to the kitchen for, and skipped merrily back to his room.

I wanna testify

Scream in the holy light

You bring me back to life

And it's all in the name of love

As he reached her balcony and stood looking in, the nervousness was really starting to hit him. He knew she was still upset with him for bailing, and he didn't blame her. He just hoped what he had to tell her would be enough.

Despite the hour, she was not asleep. He watched her a moment as she sat with her legs crossed on the bed, earbuds in, and eyes closed. He wondered if she would be happy to see him. He wondered if she'd changed her mind about loving him.

Swallowing hard, he knocked on the window, but she didn't hear it so he went ahead and opened the sliding door, letting himself in. She looked up, startled. She hadn't been expecting him to just show up.

"What are you doing here, Leo?" she said, pulling the buds out of her ears. He noticed that she was putting effort in to keep her voice level.

"I wanted to show you something," he said softly. She opened her mouth to speak, and he knew she was going to argue, so he held his hands up and continued above her. "Please, just hear me out."

She stared at him, considering his request. Her eyes were redder and puffier than normal, and when he realized it was because she'd been crying, a sharp pang spread through his chest. He held out his hand to her, pleading with his eyes for her to trust him. Finally, she relented and placed her hand in his.

The second he had her consent he was whisking her into his arms and they were out, over the balcony before she could muster a scream. Not that she didn't do plenty of that once she realized that they weren't safely on the ground anymore. Leo just laughed, warning her to close her eyes and not look down as he leaped from one balcony to the other, headed for the roof of her 20 story building.

Once at the top, he placed her on her feet but still held onto her tightly, as they were on the edge of the roof. As soon as she opened her eyes she was screaming again, clinging to him desperately.

"Leo, what the HELL!" She was fuming around her fear. She wouldn't say that she was afraid of heights, but standing at the edge of a roof, so freaking far up, she couldn't help the terror building up in her.

"I'm sorry about this morning," he whispered in her ear. At this, she unscrewed her eyes to stare up at him. She waited patiently for him to continue, still unsure which direction he was going to take, and unsure why this conversation couldn't have taken place in her bedroom.

Leo took a deep breath and prayed that he didn't sound stupid as he said what he needed to say. "Last night, when you said… When you said you love me, I was scared." He paused, gauging her reactions. Her face was impossible to read. "It was like standing on the edge of this building." She smirked, finally understanding the metaphor.

"I didn't know if I was ready for that," he continued, growing more confident with each word. "I spent all day meditating on it, and came up with no answers, until finally someone put the question into words that I could understand."

I wanna testify

Scream in the holy light

You bring me back to life

And it's all in the name of love

"I didn't know how to let myself fall before," Leo said, wrapping his arms firmly around her waist. She tensed, waiting for him to continue and bracing herself for what she was pretty sure he was about to do. "But then I realized that I already had," he finished, smirking down at her, and leaned over the ledge slowly, until they were freefalling.

She was sure she screamed, but the fall was really over before she could process much. Suddenly she was back on her balcony, and Leo was kissing her, and all the hurt from the day was melting away.

Leo pulled away, breathless and grinning from ear to ear. "I love you, too." he said, never more sure of himself.

lyrics from In the Name of Love by Martin Garrix and Bebe Rexha


End file.
